I will admit, I’m probably more reluctant to write this post than any I can think of in recent memory. Part of me thinks I should just let it go, and yet I feel compelled to respond. So, if you find yourself offended with this, I understand and my point is just to put another voice out there.
In recent days, I’ve seen a growing move to elevate Erika Kirk to a near saint-like status, very similar to what is happening with Charlie. I see people sharing that they want their daughters to be like her, and what a great role model she is for Christian women. People have told me how inspiring her memorial speech was, and so forth.
I feel compelled to respond to this, because of many of the same concerns I have with Charlie. I do not think either Charlie or Erika represent an accurate picture of Christian ministry or method of interacting with the world. I think they are a large part of the mixing of Christian Nationalism with faith in Christ, which is, in my opinion, the biggest issue in white American Christianity today.
The memorial itself was more like a MAGA rally than Christian funeral, and the thing is, I think that’s what Charlie would have wanted. His life was focused on the white Conservative political movement, his organizations were primarily about that, and he spoke more of conservatism and MAGA than he ever did of Jesus. You can see the rest of the posts in this series for my concerns.
But as for Erika – I have many of those same misgivings, but many of my concerns with her go much deeper and more personal. A friend asked why I wasn’t inspired by her speech, and I’m going to share my response here:
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I’m a little reluctant to go into my full feelings here. As I’ve said, I don’t want to judge how people grieve. I know sometimes people tell jokes, some people go get drunk, some people wake up the next day and it seems like nothing’s changed, some people cry a lot. It just depends on the person, and I don’t want to say how a person should grieve, especially someone in that situation.
Since you keep asking and maybe others also struggle, I felt like her speech was exactly what one would think a Christian nationalist speech should be. She said the exact words, said the exact “I forgive him,” hit just the right pauses, and essentially seemed to be “performing” as a grieving widow rather than actually revealing her grief.
I grew up in church, and we all KNEW you’re supposed to forgive them. We’ve heard the testimonies, seen the videos, and all wept and cried at camp. I feel like she read the exact script she was supposed to say. But what is the real truth? How do we really feel? I’ve lost a son, a brother, and a best friend. I will say that grief is rarely the way we see it on TV or movies. That’s not the way people typically react.
THE COMFORT OF THE ROLE
BUT, that said, here she is, a young woman, in front of 100,000 people live, and who knows how many millions on screen. Maybe reading the script is the best way she knows how to handle it. Her background is pageantry, her life was on screen with Charlie, and she’s from a generation where streaming and being on screen is a way of life. Maybe doing it “the expected way” is all she knows to do right now.
I feel bad for her because I think from the moment he was shot, she’s been in the PR machine. For crying out loud, she’s already CEO of Turning Point. Has she even gotten 20 minutes to sit in a chair in her bathrobe and look at the empty couch and think “he’ll never sit there again”? Has she really been able to consider and visualize the future without him in it? To see her kids as teenagers without a dad to help raise them?
Has she considered how she’ll be a symbol rather than a person for perhaps the rest of her life? Has she really considered seeing the shooter on television month after month for trials, maybe hear him bad mouth her husband, maybe had to deal with the rage and loss that comes a month from now? Does she even know if she forgives him yet? Or is it just the line that she knows she’s supposed to say right now? Does she just know “I forgive him” is the “inspiration” that all the folks in that crowd want her to say?
I really don’t know. Has she stopped for a breath in the last ten days? Have you had someone close to you die and you’ve done the funeral? Parents, or siblings or child? Did you really process it? Or was it just getting through that moment, letting yourself move along. How long was it after before you really knew how you felt?
In her case, there is an entire political apparatus using her as a set piece (I mean, look at the production of the memorial). And I think she doesn’t know HOW to respond. She just knows her role. And I feel bad for her. I feel bad that she HAS to say she forgives this guy. She HAS to say the spiritual message. She HAS to say it’s all God’s plan. She HAS to say all the things she said, because that’s her role right now.
THE FUTURE
What is her role a year from now? Two years from now? When everyone’s moved on to the next outrage, and she’s still home by herself? When Turning Point perhaps decides the next young conservative hotshot is the face of their movement? What happens to her then? What happens when she has to figure it all out without all the people around her giving her lines?
I really don’t know. But I didn’t find it inspiring. I found it sad. I found it demoralizing. I find myself wishing she could just move to some rinky dink town in North Dakota, in a little 3 bedroom house, and shop at Walmart, and just allow herself to be a human for a year or two, before becoming the wife of a martyr.
But again, maybe that IS how she grieves. Maybe her life, lived out in front of the camera, this is the way it’s done for her. So I don’t want to judge her. From where I sit, it’s sad and manipulative and taking advantage of her for the benefit of cruel men.
But maybe I’m wrong. So how do I answer your question? Is it because Trump was there? In a way, because he’s a part of that cruel machine, in some ways just a piece the way she is. But I don’t discount her speech because he’s there – I find it heartbreaking because of what him being there represents. And how this poor family has already sacrificed one member to the ambitions of the Right, and now they’re squeezing whatever else they can out of the shattered family that remains.
So again, I don’t know. but I didn’t find it offensive, nor did I find it inspiring. It was expected, heartbreaking, and useful to others. But did it help her? I hope so. We’ll see.
So that was my thoughts on her memorial speech. I don’t find her to be a role model, partly because of her syncretism, but also because I more see her as a near-victim of the political and cultural machine that (in my opinion) cost Charlie his life in the first place. I see them both as participant and pawn in the culture wars, and it grieves me to see people elevate them even higher. That’s how they were victimized already, and it seems like we’re doing it again.
I wish her peace. I hope she finds comfort in Christ. I hope she and her children can find a life rooted in Jesus rather than a political movement. Maybe they will. Maybe they already have.
But they have my sympathy more than my admiration at this time.